I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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