you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
