I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
