Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
