when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
