Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
