Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
