Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
