k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
