do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
