I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
false alarm, still single
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