Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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