wanna go halves on a baby?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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