Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
