bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
