it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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