WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
