It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
