Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
