My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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