Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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