oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
