put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
