did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
