U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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