if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
