We're facebook friends in real life
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
