What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
