I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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