She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
