Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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