I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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