my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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