Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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