I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
