I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
