I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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