she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
