I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
