You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
