So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
