JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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