he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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