the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Houston, we have a squirter
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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