Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
