i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
