i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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