The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
