this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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