I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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