she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
