Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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