someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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