Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
