I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
